| Forgiving Others |
| As God has Forgiven Us |
| by David A. DePra |
| There was a time when I did not know how to forgive. Oh, |
| I thought I did. But all I really knew was the Biblical teaching: I |
| must forgive. I thought that knowing the Truth about forgiveness |
| was equal to having forgiveness in my heart. |
| Have you ever made that mistake? It's really the product |
| of pride. We think that because we possess some Truth in an |
| area that it is equal to that Truth having possession of US. Our |
| knowledge puffs us up. But love hasn't yet built us up in Christ. |
| I thought for sure that because I knew all of the scriptures which |
| talked about forgiveness that surely I had that issue licked. But |
| then one day I was faced with a terrible hurt. I was faced with |
| having to actually forgive someone who had no intention of |
| changing, or of ever admitting they were wrong. These are the |
| situations which expose the core of what makes us tick. |
| God taught me something in that situation. It wasn't fun. But |
| it was an answer to my prayers. I had prayed that God would |
| teach me how to forgive. His answer? He had to allow me to |
| be wronged and hurt. |
| It often works like that in the spiritual walk. If you want to learn |
| something from God, don't expect Him to merely supply you |
| with information and facts. Don't expect that you can grow by |
| merely studying the Bible. Expect to learn by experience. Your |
| experience will be verified in the Bible if God is teaching you. |
| Imagine going to school and taking a drivers education course. |
| Imagine that the entire course consists of you sitting at a desk, |
| listening to the instructor describing to you how to drive. You |
| do learn many laws and facts about driving. But suppose you |
| never actually get to sit behind the wheel of a car! Or ever drive |
| it! How much will you have really learned about driving? Not |
| much. Oh, you do have all the facts. And they are true facts, too. |
| But until you actually get to practice those facts through actual |
| experience, they won't do you much good. |
| So it is with God. All the facts and Truth about how He works |
| are in the Bible. All of His commands and requirements are |
| in there too. But until He puts us into a situation where we |
| have the opportunity to actually experience what He is talking |
| about, we will not grow spiritually. We must learn to live by |
| experience. We must learn to put our faith into practice. |
| What We Become |
| God said, "You prayed to learn how to forgive. Ok. But to |
| answer, I'm going to have to let someone hurt you." Now, it is |
| important here to understand that God does not cause someone |
| to sin against us. No. Even though He does use the sins of |
| others in our lives to an ultimate good -- IF we respond correctly |
| -- it does not mean He approves of those sins. Individuals are |
| fully accountable to God for what they do against us. |
| People are accountable to God for their sins against us. But |
| WE are accountable to God for HOW we respond to those sins. |
| God tells us that we must repond to them with forgiveness. |
| God says, "I know you have been wronged. What happened |
| to you was not your fault in the least. But now you do have a |
| responsibility. You are fully responsibility for what you do with |
| the sin this person has committed against you." Or to put it |
| another way, we are fully responsible for what we BECOME |
| because of what someone has done to us. |
| You see, we cannot control what other people do or become. |
| That is between them and God. But we can control what WE |
| do and become. For this God holds us responsible. |
| Take the worst sin imaginable, say, child abuse. Suppose I |
| was abused as a child by a parent. If that were the case, I |
| would be totally innocent of any blame for this sin. Yet I would |
| be terribly damaged because of it. What is my responsibility? |
| I am responsible, not for what happened to me, but for what I |
| now choose to become because of it. I am responsbile for |
| forgiving them. |
| Calling Sin by it's Name |
| Let's understand a few things about forgiveness. Some |
| people actually think that forgiveness means that we must call |
| a sin "right," or sort of water it down by saying, "It's no big deal." |
| But that's not so. Indeed, I cannot forgive if I try to make the sin |
| anything less than what it is. I must call it by it's name, and not |
| water it down at all. And then I must say, "Nevertheless, I forgive |
| the offender." |
| That's the way God forgave us. He didn't wave His hand |
| and say, "I am so loving that I am going to forgive you." No. In |
| fact, God took sin so seriously that His Son had to die because |
| of it. He could not let it go just because He loved everyone. He |
| called it what it was and put it to death in Jesus Christ. |
| That's how we START to forgive: We call things what they are. |
| But right here is where many people get confused. Today, |
| people think that to call sin by it's name is "judging." No. It is |
| discerning. Judging -- the kind God forbids -- means to render |
| a "judgment against." In other words, it means to play God by |
| condemning someone. It means to decide what they deserve. |
| This we must not do. But we are to discern. We are to call sin |
| by it's name. We are to confess it before God. |
| Identifying with the Sinner |
| Once we call sin by it's name, then it is important to identify |
| with the sinner. We do this by realizing that we are no better in |
| the eyes of God than the one who has offended us. And we |
| must realize that despite our condition, God has forgiven US. |
| This is a pivotal issue. Unless I first realize my need, and |
| then receive God's forgiveness, I will have little chance of ever |
| forgiving someone else. That's because unless I see my need, |
| and God's solution in Christ, I'll think I'm superior to the person |
| who has sinned against me. I may not say those exact words, |
| but I'll be governed by that kind of self-righteousness spirit. I |
| must forgive others. But I never will unless I first settle the issue |
| of MY sin and MY need for forgiveness. |
| If you cannot seem to forgive someone, take your inability |
| to forgive to God. Ask Him to get at the root issue in YOU. For |
| it is never the sin of others which makes it impossible for ME to |
| forgive. It is sin in ME which makes it impossible. Unforgiveness |
| is the product of refusing to see I am a sinner! It is the product |
| of refusing to admit that I need the forgiveness of God for myself! |
| Unforgiveness Is Sin |
| Unforgiveness is not merely a reaction to sin. It IS sin. It is |
| actually possible that my sin of unforgiveness could become a |
| worse sin, in the eyes of God, than the sin which I won't forgive. |
| The only solution is to surrender myself unconditionally to God. |
| Let Him have MY sin. Let me receive His forgiveness. Then I |
| WILL forgive others. I won't be able to keep from forgiving them. |
| And I will forgive because I want to do it, not because I have to do |
| it. |
| Never get into the bondage of forcing yourself to forgive |
| others because you think if you don't, God will not forgive you. If |
| that is why you are forgiving them -- to get God's forgiveness |
| for yourself -- then you aren't really forgiving them. Forgiveness |
| is from the heart. It is real. We are to do it because we WANT |
| to do it. |
| Forgiveness vs. Emotions |
| Never confuse emotions with forgiveness. When someone |
| hurts me, or wrongs me, it is only natural that I will FEEL hurt and |
| wronged. I may FEEL bitter and emotionally violated. These |
| feelings do not necessarily mean that I refuse to forgive. The |
| real question is: What am I going to do with them? Shall I allow |
| there emotional reactions to begin to govern me? Will I allow |
| them to grow to govern my thoughts, words, and actions? Or will I, |
| despite my feelings, and despite my just sense of violation, |
| surrender myself to God in the situation? Will I give God the |
| the freedom to allow others to hurt me? |
| Again and again, we come back to the same solution. When |
| I am violated; when someone sins against me, I must begin |
| by surrendering MYSELF to God. Then, having received God's |
| love and grace for myself, I will be able to sincerely pass it on |
| to others. |
| Human beings react. But if I will continually surrender my bad |
| reactions to God, in time they will lose their ability to control or |
| damage me. As long as we are in the flesh we will have bad |
| reactions. But if we walk in the spirit, our choice to surrender to |
| God will override and bring us into greater freedom. |
| Imaginary Sin |
| It is inevitable that others will sin against us. But it is just as |
| inevitable that we will, at times, imagine that they are sinning |
| against us. When we are hurt, are afraid, or do not trust |
| someone, it is natural that we will allow our emotions and |
| imagination to run away from us. It is not necessary for us to |
| figure out, at that point, what is true and what is false. We |
| can still surrender it all to God and allow Him to set us free. |
| A Forgiving Spirit |
| If I will practice surrendering myself to God, and allow Him |
| to deal with me first, then in time, I will develope what God |
| calls "a forgiving spirit." A "forgiving spirit" MEETS the sinner |
| with forgiveness. Rather than meet the sinner with bitterness |
| and unforgiveness, only to later forgive, "a forgiving spirit" |
| meets the sinner at the foot of the Cross. It is the product of |
| realizing that I am a forgiven sinner and have no leg to stand |
| on in demanding justice for the sins others commit against me. |
| God has a "forgiving spirit" towards us. He always has. |
| That is why the Bible tells us that God HAS forgiven us. Past |
| tense. There is nothing we have to do in order to get God in |
| a "forgiving mood." He is eternally and evermore forgiving. He |
| revealed this by sending us His only Son for the sin of the world. |
| The Fruits of Forgiveness |
| Forgiveness is the result of agape love. It is how agape |
| love deals with the sin others commit against us. But what is |
| agape love, the love of God? Perhaps it could be best defined |
| this way: |
| Agape love is an unconditional commitment to God's |
| highest for the one loved, regardless of personal |
| cost to them, or to us. |
| This helps us to understand the nature of forgiveness. It means |
| that forgiveness will never violate this rule of love. It will always |
| result in all parties being unconditionally centered in the will |
| of God. |
| Take for instance, the example of a sinner who refuses |
| to change. He keeps on hurting and hurting a victim. This |
| victim must forgive and become committed to God's |
| highest in this situation, not only for themselves, but for the |
| sinner. But the practical outworking of God's highest may not |
| always be evident. God will have to make this known. |
| Perhaps God's highest for the victim in this case would be |
| to remove themselves out of harm's way. That is sometimes |
| God's highest love. Or, perhaps it is to confront the sinner. There |
| does come a point at which silence is no longer love. The point |
| is, love dictates. Love does whatever gives God more access |
| to the sinner. This is sometimes accomplished by absense, but |
| sometimes by presence. Sometimes by silence, sometimes by |
| confrontation. If the victim of a situation will unconditionally |
| surrender to God, they will know. They will, in time, grow to |
| know what they must do to practice agape love in their |
| specific case. They will know the actions and words which |
| they must take to live out their forgiveness. |
| Forgiveness is a life-long process of learning to apply what |
| God has done for us in the lives of others. There will be many |
| ups and downs. But in the end, if we will surrender to God, the |
| Redemption won for us by Jesus Christ will be made manifest |
| in the practical details of our lives and relationships. * |