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Forgiving Others
As God has Forgiven Us
by David A. DePra
     There was a time when I did not know how to forgive. Oh,
I thought I did. But all I really knew was the Biblical teaching: I
must forgive. I thought that knowing the Truth about forgiveness
was equal to having forgiveness in my heart.
     Have you ever made that mistake? It's really the product
of pride. We think that because we possess some Truth in an
area that it is equal to that Truth having possession of US. Our
knowledge puffs us up. But love hasn't yet built us up in Christ.
I thought for sure that because I knew all of the scriptures which
talked about forgiveness that surely I had that issue licked. But
then one day I was faced with a terrible hurt. I was faced with
having to actually forgive someone who had no intention of
changing, or of ever admitting they were wrong. These are the
situations which expose the core of what makes us tick.
     God taught me something in that situation. It wasn't fun. But
it was an answer to my prayers. I had prayed that God would
teach me how to forgive. His answer? He had to allow me to
be wronged and hurt.
     It often works like that in the spiritual walk. If you want to learn
something from God, don't expect Him to merely supply you
with information and facts. Don't expect that you can grow by
merely studying the Bible. Expect to learn by experience. Your
experience will be verified in the Bible if God is teaching you.
     Imagine going to school and taking a drivers education course.
Imagine that the entire course consists of you sitting at a desk,
listening to the instructor describing to you how to drive. You
do learn many laws and facts about driving. But suppose you
never actually get to sit behind the wheel of a car! Or ever drive
it!  How much will you have really learned about driving? Not
much. Oh, you do have all the facts. And they are true facts, too.
But until you actually get to practice those facts through actual
experience, they won't do you much good.
     So it is with God. All the facts and Truth about how He works
are in the Bible. All of His commands and requirements are
in there too. But until He puts us into a situation where we
have the opportunity to actually experience what He is talking
about, we will not grow spiritually. We must learn to live by
experience. We must learn to put our faith into practice.
 
What We Become
 
     God said, "You prayed to learn how to forgive. Ok. But to
answer, I'm going to have to let someone hurt you." Now, it is
important here to understand that God does not cause someone
to sin against us. No. Even though He does use the sins of
others in our lives to an ultimate good -- IF we respond correctly
-- it does not mean He approves of those sins. Individuals are
fully accountable to God for what they do against us.
     People are accountable to God for their sins against us. But
WE are accountable to God for HOW we respond to those sins.
God tells us that we must repond to them with forgiveness.
God says, "I know you have been wronged. What happened
to you was not your fault in the least. But now you do have a
responsibility. You are fully responsibility for what you do with
the sin this person has committed against you." Or to put it
another way, we are fully responsible for what we BECOME
because of what someone has done to us.
     You see, we cannot control what other people do or become.
That is between them and God. But we can control what WE
do and become. For this God holds us responsible.
     Take the worst sin imaginable, say, child abuse. Suppose I
was abused as a child by a parent. If that were the case, I
would be totally innocent of any blame for this sin. Yet I would
be terribly damaged because of it. What is my responsibility?
I am responsible, not for what happened to me, but for what I
now choose to become because of it. I am responsbile for
forgiving them.
 
Calling Sin by it's Name
 
     Let's understand a few things about forgiveness. Some
people actually think that forgiveness means that we must call
a sin "right," or sort of water it down by saying, "It's no big deal."
But that's not so. Indeed, I cannot forgive if I try to make the sin
anything less than what it is. I must call it by it's name, and not
water it down at all. And then I must say, "Nevertheless, I forgive
the offender."
     That's the way God forgave us. He didn't wave His hand
and say, "I am so loving that I am going to forgive you." No. In
fact, God took sin so seriously that His Son had to die because
of it. He could not let it go just because He loved everyone. He
called it what it was and put it to death in Jesus Christ.
     That's how we START to forgive: We call things what they are.
But right here is where many people get confused. Today,
people think that to call sin by it's name is "judging." No. It is
discerning. Judging -- the kind God forbids -- means to render
a "judgment against." In other words, it means to play God by
condemning someone. It means to decide what they deserve.
This we must not do. But we are to discern. We are to call sin
by it's name. We are to confess it before God.
 
Identifying with the Sinner
 
     Once we call sin by it's name, then it is important to identify
with the sinner. We do this by realizing that we are no better in
the eyes of God than the one who has offended us. And we
must realize that despite our condition, God has forgiven US.
     This is a pivotal issue. Unless I first realize my need, and
then receive God's forgiveness, I will have little chance of ever
forgiving someone else. That's because unless I see my need,
and God's solution in Christ, I'll think I'm superior to the person
who has sinned against me. I may not say those exact words,
but I'll be governed by that kind of self-righteousness spirit. I
must forgive others. But I never will unless I first settle the issue
of MY sin and MY need for forgiveness.
     If you cannot seem to forgive someone, take your inability
to forgive to God. Ask Him to get at the root issue in YOU. For
it is never the sin of others which makes it impossible for ME to
forgive. It is sin in ME which makes it impossible. Unforgiveness
is the product of refusing to see I am a sinner! It is the product
of refusing to admit that I need the forgiveness of God for myself!
 
Unforgiveness Is Sin
 
     Unforgiveness is not merely a reaction to sin. It IS sin. It is
actually possible that my sin of unforgiveness could become a
worse sin, in the eyes of God, than the sin which I won't forgive.
The only solution is to surrender myself unconditionally to God.
Let Him have MY sin. Let me receive His forgiveness. Then I
WILL forgive others. I won't be able to keep from forgiving them.
And I will forgive because I want to do it, not because I have to do
it.
     Never get into the bondage of forcing yourself to forgive
others because you think if you don't, God will not forgive you. If
that is why you are forgiving them -- to get God's forgiveness
for yourself -- then you aren't really forgiving them. Forgiveness
is from the heart. It is real. We are to do it because we WANT
to do it.
 
Forgiveness vs. Emotions
 
     Never confuse emotions with forgiveness. When someone
hurts me, or wrongs me, it is only natural that I will FEEL hurt and
wronged. I may FEEL bitter and emotionally violated. These
feelings do not necessarily mean that I refuse to forgive. The
real question is: What am I going to do with them? Shall I allow
there emotional reactions to begin to govern me? Will I allow
them to grow to govern my thoughts, words, and actions? Or will I,
despite my feelings, and despite my just sense of violation,
surrender myself to God in the situation? Will I give God the
the freedom to allow others to hurt me?
     Again and again, we come back to the same solution. When
I am violated; when someone sins against me, I must begin
by surrendering MYSELF to God. Then, having received God's
love and grace for myself, I will be able to sincerely pass it on
to others.
     Human beings react. But if I will continually surrender my bad
reactions to God, in time they will lose their ability to control or
damage me. As long as we are in the flesh we will have bad
reactions. But if we walk in the spirit, our choice to surrender to
God will override and bring us into greater freedom.
 
Imaginary Sin
 
     It is inevitable that others will sin against us. But it is just as
inevitable that we will, at times, imagine that they are sinning
against us. When we are hurt, are afraid, or do not trust
someone, it is natural that we will allow our emotions and
imagination to run away from us. It is not necessary for us to
figure out, at that point, what is true and what is false. We
can still surrender it all to God and allow Him to set us free.
 
A Forgiving Spirit
 
     If I will practice surrendering myself to God, and allow Him
to deal with me first, then in time, I will develope what God
calls "a forgiving spirit." A "forgiving spirit" MEETS the sinner
with forgiveness. Rather than meet the sinner with bitterness
and unforgiveness, only to later forgive, "a forgiving spirit"
meets the sinner at the foot of the Cross. It is the product of
realizing that I am a forgiven sinner and have no leg to stand
on in demanding justice for the sins others commit against me.
God has a "forgiving spirit" towards us. He always has.
     That is why the Bible tells us that God HAS forgiven us. Past
tense. There is nothing we have to do in order to get God in
a "forgiving mood." He is eternally and evermore forgiving. He
revealed this by sending us His only Son for the sin of the world.
 
The Fruits of Forgiveness
 
     Forgiveness is the result of agape love. It is how agape
love deals with the sin others commit against us. But what is
agape love, the love of God? Perhaps it could be best defined
this way:
 
Agape love is an unconditional commitment to God's
highest for the one loved, regardless of personal
cost to them, or to us.
 
     This helps us to understand the nature of forgiveness. It means
that forgiveness will never violate this rule of love. It will always
result in all parties being unconditionally centered in the will
of God.
     Take for instance, the example of a sinner who refuses
to change. He keeps on hurting and hurting a victim. This
victim must forgive and become committed to God's
highest in this situation, not only for themselves, but for the
sinner. But the practical outworking of God's highest may not
always be evident. God will have to make this known.
     Perhaps God's highest for the victim in this case would be
to remove themselves out of harm's way. That is sometimes
God's highest love. Or, perhaps it is to confront the sinner. There
does come a point at which silence is no longer love. The point
is, love dictates. Love does whatever gives God more access
to the sinner. This is sometimes accomplished by absense, but
sometimes by presence. Sometimes by silence, sometimes by
confrontation. If the victim of a situation will unconditionally
surrender to God, they will know. They will, in time, grow to
know what they must do to practice agape love in their
specific case. They will know the actions and words which
they must take to live out their forgiveness.
     Forgiveness is a life-long process of learning to apply what
God has done for us in the lives of others. There will be many
ups and downs. But in the end, if we will surrender to God, the
Redemption won for us by Jesus Christ will be made manifest
in the practical details of our lives and relationships. *

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